[18:48 p.m.]
Sitting on a cracked bench in the school garden, accompanied by the breezy evening wind and the chirping sound of a bird returning to its nest, Del started to ponder upon the events that happened throughout her five months in Sam George's Potion School. She scanned and went through her memory banks from orientation week till the last day of lectures, trying to get hold of the reasons that caused her depression. The sole effort to revive on the backbreaking incidents had already deprived her will and energy to keep searching. Even the thought of walking down her ill-lighted memory lane from the month of May is disturbing. Imagine being lied to by your own expectations, beaten down by your own thoughts and crying over how small and out of place you feel.
The days she had to skip her meals
because being in the school cafe
made her adrenaline rush and
it barricades her from lining up to get herself food.
The days she had to dismiss from class
a few minutes earlier from her classmates
because the pressure of being in a large circle
is just suffocating.
The days she had to miss out on group discussions
because of how intimidating it is
and how it triggers her weak and wretched heart.
The days she broke down,
fell on her knees
and see her world crumble to pieces,
are the only days
she could restore and process from her banks.
The nights she was striving to stay up
and understand the topics she could not grasp in class,
failing,
failing
and failing at every attempt.
The nights she spent trying to put the missing pieces of the puzzle together,
which eventually
came to nothing
and led her to a deeper confusion.
The nights she was not capable of helping herself
and bawled her eyes out until she was hoarse,
struggling to hide her tears from her roommates.
The nights she broke down,
fell on her knees
and see her world crumble to pieces,
are the only nights
she could restore and process from her banks.
It was undoubtedly a horrible five months experience, what Del had to go through. Fortunately, without them knowing, her friends and family helped her fight the war she was in. They may not know what she was dealing with in school, but the voices that echo in her mind, the faces that are pasted on her room wall, the random phone calls in the afternoon, the simple "hey have you eaten?" "how was class?" "what are your plans later?" questions, it all warmed her vulnerable heart. It gave her a glimpse of hope, reassuring her that everything will be alright. The unexpected little things that carve smiles on her face, making her feel as if the glittery goods are with her. Appreciated.
[18:57 p.m.]
🎤
And anytime you feel the pain,
Hey, Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
As the wind blew stronger, whooshing through the trees, The Beatles' Hey Jude kept replaying in her head.
Be that as it may, no matter what people say to Del, she will always find it hard to believe.
She is still learning, still trying to figure herself out and still struggling to comprehend her mental state.
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The most important thing that we should drill and store in our memory banks is that; if you wake up in the morning in hope that tables will be turned just by wishing, you are wrong. You need to have a tiny hope in you, get up, get started and work for the better you. Fill your days with activities that make you feel at ease and elated. In the course of time, you will slowly let go, and never forget to let god. Be the princess that you are. Keep building castles in Spain, even after you achieve Utopia.
🎤
There's been trials and tribulations, you know I've had my share.
But I've climbed the mountain, I've crossed the river.
And I'm almost there, I'm always there.
I'm almost there!