"One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered." -Michael J. Fox
"whatever."
"suit yourself."
"what the heck are you tryna do?"
"grow up." "get a life."
"you're such a cry baby. man up"
"can you even fit in your trousers?"
"no offence but you'd look prettier if you're skinnier"
"why are you so slow? god."
"you're a gorilla"
"you're too emotional"
"help yourself."
"you should be more like your sister"
"shut up"
And the list goes on.. and on..
and on and..
It's as if-
The sharp blades gliding through my skin, slow and cold.
Sending shivers down my spine, trying to bear the pain as the opening gets wider.
It hurts. Blood dripping on my floral bed sheet, leaving trails as I walk to the bathroom.
Oh. My. God.
Staring into the mirror, not recognizing my own reflection. Ew.
Dark under eyes, chapped lips, puffy eyes. Lost in a haze of confusion, is this really me?
Swallowing all the critiques and slanders that were thrown at me over the past decade has drained my mental and physical energy.
Making my adrenaline tingle every time I step out of the house, rushing as a pair of eyes meet mine- trying to avoid the sensation I feel when people look at me.
God, I hate this.
Instantaneously searching for the glass bottle in my sling bag, thinking I'm going to cause drama in public.
Spritz
Spritz
Spraying floral scents on the wrist, sniffing it to reduce my heart rate. This is horrible.
"Who even smells their own perfume? Man you're peculiar."
Already so easily dented, not being able to refrain the tears, my eyes cried the agony that has been bottled up for god knows how long.
I'm done.
enjoy
Friday, 15 December 2017
Thursday, 26 October 2017
Different.
"If you make decisions based upon people's reactions or judgments then you make really boring choices." -Heath Ledger
Is it eccentric of me to hear the serene sound of rain
when it's bright and sunny outside?
I could go for a dip or a swim while it's scorching hot
but I choose to stay in
and make myself a glass of Iced Strawberry Tea.
Is it eccentric of me to hear the serene sound of rain
when it's bright and sunny outside?
I could slip on my sandals and enjoy the beaming sun
but I choose to stay in
and make myself a warm toast sandwich.
Is it eccentric of me to hear the serene sound of rain
when it's bright and sunny outside?
I could ring my high school friends to gather and chill
but I choose to stay in
and watch beautiful, impressive song covers instead.
Is it eccentric of me to hear the serene sound of rain
when it's bright and sunny outside?
I could grab my car keys and drive off the beaten track
but I choose to stay in
and devour myself in a fictional setting and envisage.
Is it eccentric of me to hear the serene sound of rain
when it's bright and sunny outside?
I could walk out the door and soak in the vitamin D
but I choose to stay in
and cry over the Beaches film.
Is it eccentric of me to hear the serene sound of rain
when it's bright and sunny outside?
I could play badminton with my brother
but I choose to stay in
and attain myself in this cold, cold room.
DR.
Is it eccentric of me to hear the serene sound of rain
when it's bright and sunny outside?
I could go for a dip or a swim while it's scorching hot
but I choose to stay in
and make myself a glass of Iced Strawberry Tea.
Is it eccentric of me to hear the serene sound of rain
when it's bright and sunny outside?
I could slip on my sandals and enjoy the beaming sun
but I choose to stay in
and make myself a warm toast sandwich.
Is it eccentric of me to hear the serene sound of rain
when it's bright and sunny outside?
I could ring my high school friends to gather and chill
but I choose to stay in
and watch beautiful, impressive song covers instead.
when it's bright and sunny outside?
I could grab my car keys and drive off the beaten track
but I choose to stay in
and devour myself in a fictional setting and envisage.
Is it eccentric of me to hear the serene sound of rain
when it's bright and sunny outside?
I could walk out the door and soak in the vitamin D
but I choose to stay in
and cry over the Beaches film.
Is it eccentric of me to hear the serene sound of rain
when it's bright and sunny outside?
I could play badminton with my brother
but I choose to stay in
and attain myself in this cold, cold room.
DR.
Tuesday, 10 October 2017
Silver lining
"A smile is happiness you'll find right under your nose." -Tom Wilson
[18:48 p.m.]
Sitting on a cracked bench in the school garden, accompanied by the breezy evening wind and the chirping sound of a bird returning to its nest, Del started to ponder upon the events that happened throughout her five months in Sam George's Potion School. She scanned and went through her memory banks from orientation week till the last day of lectures, trying to get hold of the reasons that caused her depression. The sole effort to revive on the backbreaking incidents had already deprived her will and energy to keep searching. Even the thought of walking down her ill-lighted memory lane from the month of May is disturbing. Imagine being lied to by your own expectations, beaten down by your own thoughts and crying over how small and out of place you feel.
The days she had to skip her meals
because being in the school cafe
made her adrenaline rush and
it barricades her from lining up to get herself food.
The days she had to dismiss from class
a few minutes earlier from her classmates
because the pressure of being in a large circle
is just suffocating.
The days she had to miss out on group discussions
because of how intimidating it is
and how it triggers her weak and wretched heart.
The days she broke down,
fell on her knees
and see her world crumble to pieces,
are the only days
she could restore and process from her banks.
The nights she was striving to stay up
and understand the topics she could not grasp in class,
failing,
failing
and failing at every attempt.
The nights she spent trying to put the missing pieces of the puzzle together,
which eventually
came to nothing
and led her to a deeper confusion.
The nights she was not capable of helping herself
and bawled her eyes out until she was hoarse,
struggling to hide her tears from her roommates.
The nights she broke down,
fell on her knees
and see her world crumble to pieces,
are the only nights
she could restore and process from her banks.
It was undoubtedly a horrible five months experience, what Del had to go through. Fortunately, without them knowing, her friends and family helped her fight the war she was in. They may not know what she was dealing with in school, but the voices that echo in her mind, the faces that are pasted on her room wall, the random phone calls in the afternoon, the simple "hey have you eaten?" "how was class?" "what are your plans later?" questions, it all warmed her vulnerable heart. It gave her a glimpse of hope, reassuring her that everything will be alright. The unexpected little things that carve smiles on her face, making her feel as if the glittery goods are with her. Appreciated.
[18:57 p.m.]
[18:48 p.m.]
Sitting on a cracked bench in the school garden, accompanied by the breezy evening wind and the chirping sound of a bird returning to its nest, Del started to ponder upon the events that happened throughout her five months in Sam George's Potion School. She scanned and went through her memory banks from orientation week till the last day of lectures, trying to get hold of the reasons that caused her depression. The sole effort to revive on the backbreaking incidents had already deprived her will and energy to keep searching. Even the thought of walking down her ill-lighted memory lane from the month of May is disturbing. Imagine being lied to by your own expectations, beaten down by your own thoughts and crying over how small and out of place you feel.
The days she had to skip her meals
because being in the school cafe
made her adrenaline rush and
it barricades her from lining up to get herself food.
The days she had to dismiss from class
a few minutes earlier from her classmates
because the pressure of being in a large circle
is just suffocating.
The days she had to miss out on group discussions
because of how intimidating it is
and how it triggers her weak and wretched heart.
The days she broke down,
fell on her knees
and see her world crumble to pieces,
are the only days
she could restore and process from her banks.
The nights she was striving to stay up
and understand the topics she could not grasp in class,
failing,
failing
and failing at every attempt.
The nights she spent trying to put the missing pieces of the puzzle together,
which eventually
came to nothing
and led her to a deeper confusion.
The nights she was not capable of helping herself
and bawled her eyes out until she was hoarse,
struggling to hide her tears from her roommates.
The nights she broke down,
fell on her knees
and see her world crumble to pieces,
are the only nights
she could restore and process from her banks.
It was undoubtedly a horrible five months experience, what Del had to go through. Fortunately, without them knowing, her friends and family helped her fight the war she was in. They may not know what she was dealing with in school, but the voices that echo in her mind, the faces that are pasted on her room wall, the random phone calls in the afternoon, the simple "hey have you eaten?" "how was class?" "what are your plans later?" questions, it all warmed her vulnerable heart. It gave her a glimpse of hope, reassuring her that everything will be alright. The unexpected little things that carve smiles on her face, making her feel as if the glittery goods are with her. Appreciated.
[18:57 p.m.]
🎤
And anytime you feel the pain,
Hey, Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
As the wind blew stronger, whooshing through the trees, The Beatles' Hey Jude kept replaying in her head.
Be that as it may, no matter what people say to Del, she will always find it hard to believe.
She is still learning, still trying to figure herself out and still struggling to comprehend her mental state.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The most important thing that we should drill and store in our memory banks is that; if you wake up in the morning in hope that tables will be turned just by wishing, you are wrong. You need to have a tiny hope in you, get up, get started and work for the better you. Fill your days with activities that make you feel at ease and elated. In the course of time, you will slowly let go, and never forget to let god. Be the princess that you are. Keep building castles in Spain, even after you achieve Utopia.
🎤
There's been trials and tribulations, you know I've had my share.
But I've climbed the mountain, I've crossed the river.
And I'm almost there, I'm always there.
I'm almost there!
Thursday, 17 August 2017
A mental fight
"Until you cross the bridge of your insecurities, you can't explore your possibilities." -Tim Fargo
An apprehended soul, gasping for limited air,
hemmed in by her fogged and addled thoughts,
wishing everything could be normal again.
Incessantly reaching for hands,
Ceaselessly crying for help.
Internally screaming, struggling,
and ending up choking.
Sophisticated, failing to breathe, yet again.
For always being a burden to the innocents,
unable to bridle the self-guilt that is swallowing her deep.
Blundered by the melancholic feeling,
Exhaustively annihilating, nothing to keep.
Acknowledging her fragility,
Incapable of escaping on her own.
Rains to rainbows,
months to years,
locked within her own destructing mind.
Driving to forge through the field of men,
Bending her cogitations towards the brighter, more positive future,
proceeding, even with the smoldering bleakness.
Alas, fallen between cracks.
A question that is constantly running in her head,
Left unanswered by many she asked.
The veracity she is yet to comprehend,
"Why me?"
DR.
An apprehended soul, gasping for limited air,
hemmed in by her fogged and addled thoughts,
wishing everything could be normal again.
Incessantly reaching for hands,
Ceaselessly crying for help.
Internally screaming, struggling,
and ending up choking.
Sophisticated, failing to breathe, yet again.
For always being a burden to the innocents,
unable to bridle the self-guilt that is swallowing her deep.
Blundered by the melancholic feeling,
Exhaustively annihilating, nothing to keep.
Acknowledging her fragility,
Incapable of escaping on her own.
Rains to rainbows,
months to years,
locked within her own destructing mind.
Driving to forge through the field of men,
Bending her cogitations towards the brighter, more positive future,
proceeding, even with the smoldering bleakness.
Alas, fallen between cracks.
A question that is constantly running in her head,
Left unanswered by many she asked.
The veracity she is yet to comprehend,
"Why me?"
DR.
Saturday, 22 July 2017
DR-DIARY // volume-2
"Life is a lot like jazz, it's best when you improvise." -George Gershwin
DR-DIARY
Day one.
Thrilled, excited, and anxious.
A fresh start, a new beginning.
I am thrilled to be in a new environment, the environment I have always dreamed of.
I am excited to seek more knowledge, knowledge that would make me a better person.
I am anxious to make new friends, friends I could maybe rely on.
To more adventures,
I am as ready as I will ever be.
Day twenty-one.
Confused, lost and hopeless.
A nightmare, a disaster. Take me home, take me home.
The surrounding I am supposed to adapt with, is not how I pictured in my mind.
Swimming in the sea of extraordinary people, self-esteem drowning, trying to float and survive.
No vacant shoulders, unavailable friends.
Hopeless.
Lied to by my own expectations, lost.
Mad.
Day forty-two.
Mindset, remembrance and strength.
A positive mindset to keep me going, struggling to walk through the absurd ordeals.
A colourful soul to keep my sanity, keeping me alive and awake.
Striving, I can do this.
A space for my boggled mind to settle, a medium for my emotions to pour on.
Writing, an act where I find comfort in.
Home. I find home in writing.
A home filled with tranquility and calmness, a setting I want to stay in forever.
Thursday, 25 May 2017
Confidence is key!
"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you."- Lao Tzu
Since most of us are enrolling in university and college, I feel like it is only right for me to write something along the lines of confidence.
Growing up, I come to realize that I am a straightforward person. I ask when I'm curious, and I say when I feel the need to. Notwithstanding, I hardly get to voice out my thoughts in public. The reason being is that my confidence level is not as high as you think it is.
For those of you who may know my position in school would probably think "Umm no fy, that's not true." "What?? You speak in front of so many people every other week". For you, yes you reading this might think "but Afiqah you have a blog and you write freely. What are you on about??"
Friends of the internet, I am here to share my experiences and feelings.
Confidence; belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.
Ever since I was small, even before kindergarten, I have always been a professional singer and dancer. Well, realistically I thought I was a pretty decent performer. I would sing and dance to Disney Princesses' songs, Air Supply, Westlife, Abba, Si Gadis Ayu, Mawi, Sandarkan pada kenangan, HSM songs, Camp Rock songs, et cetera.
My inner Hannah Montana shone brighter than ever when I was younger. I had the best years of my Hannah life. Well, I am not gonna lie.. I am still living the best of both worlds.. sshhh. Trust me, I have recordings of my performances from when I was little till.. hm, for me to know and for you to find out 😉
Singing and dancing are definitely the two things that help me boost my confidence till this day. TALENT. (cc: cupcake aisyah fans)
Reminiscing the old times. The first week of holiday, I took my time and went through all of my polaroid pictures. It brought so many unforgettable memories. Some photos made me laugh and some made me cry. After months of studying, my hands were itching to create something creative. Hence, my scrapbook. I posted a few boomerangs of some pages from the scrapbook before so hehe.
Since most of us are enrolling in university and college, I feel like it is only right for me to write something along the lines of confidence.
Growing up, I come to realize that I am a straightforward person. I ask when I'm curious, and I say when I feel the need to. Notwithstanding, I hardly get to voice out my thoughts in public. The reason being is that my confidence level is not as high as you think it is.
For those of you who may know my position in school would probably think "Umm no fy, that's not true." "What?? You speak in front of so many people every other week". For you, yes you reading this might think "but Afiqah you have a blog and you write freely. What are you on about??"
Friends of the internet, I am here to share my experiences and feelings.
Confidence; belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.
🎤💃
I like to think that Disney has helped me shape the me I am today. Some of you may know by now that I am a big Disney fan, especially Disney princesses. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret but you need to promise me that you won't tell anyone..Ever since I was small, even before kindergarten, I have always been a professional singer and dancer. Well, realistically I thought I was a pretty decent performer. I would sing and dance to Disney Princesses' songs, Air Supply, Westlife, Abba, Si Gadis Ayu, Mawi, Sandarkan pada kenangan, HSM songs, Camp Rock songs, et cetera.
My inner Hannah Montana shone brighter than ever when I was younger. I had the best years of my Hannah life. Well, I am not gonna lie.. I am still living the best of both worlds.. sshhh. Trust me, I have recordings of my performances from when I was little till.. hm, for me to know and for you to find out 😉
Singing and dancing are definitely the two things that help me boost my confidence till this day. TALENT. (cc: cupcake aisyah fans)
👸✨
It's safe to say that my confidence level has been on a roller coaster ride throughout high school. Most probably the "rock 'n' roller coaster" or the "hair raiser". I would not say that I was my best self in high school. I was an ordinary girl trying to get over separations with friends, a weak girl trying to block away mean and insulting people, an emotional girl trying to balance her school work and social life, a confused girl trying to find herself. High school was definitely a struggle but guess what? I graduated, she graduated, he graduated and YOU will too!
On that note, after graduating high school, I figured I would use the time I had to genuinely take care of myself; To learn and cherish my mind and body.
How?
Reminiscing the old times. The first week of holiday, I took my time and went through all of my polaroid pictures. It brought so many unforgettable memories. Some photos made me laugh and some made me cry. After months of studying, my hands were itching to create something creative. Hence, my scrapbook. I posted a few boomerangs of some pages from the scrapbook before so hehe.
Looking at the polaroid pictures made me realize that we can't have everything we want and life is not always picture-perfect. People come and go. That is one thing I need to install in my memory banks. Till this day, I still could not accept the fact that some people leave for the better.
However, the events that happened made me stronger. I grew to be more independent and wiser. From that day, I decided to change my mindset and stop stumbling over something that is behind me. I taught myself to be more promising and encouraging for the better me. I was determined that I would not dwell on the past and start moving forward. I was sure that It was time for me to believe in myself and not depend on other people as much as I used to. I am proud to say that I have definitely proved my past self right. I am feeling better than ever.
Figuring out my passion. This was the trickiest thing to accomplish. I am one of those people who gets bored way too easily. I used to join piano classes but after 2 or 3 grades, I lost interest. Then, I tried out art classes but gave up after a few months. If you read my 'must haves and essentials' blog post, you would know that I used to hate reading. Surprisingly, as I grew older, I learned to love and enjoy reading. I would stay in bed all day and read a book or two which is so unlike me. Eventually, I lost interest in reading. It has been a few weeks since I last finished a book in one seating (or three days).
Writing. Blogging. I. Love. It. I am absolutely elated to share my thoughts and imaginations with you reading this. I started blogging a few years back, but I have never had the guts to make it public. I also used to write fiction on WattPad but I gave up after 4 episodes or so. Truth be told, it took me more than 3 years to gather and build my confidence to share my blog with the world. Cehhhhh. So, to those of you who thinks I am assertive, girl, it takes a lot of time and energy. Sending virtual enormous hugs, kisses and love to everyone who helped me be the person I am today. For supporting and encouraging. xoxo.
Clearly, I slacked and stopped blogging for a while.. but hey! I'm still here, right?
Wholly, I suppose that my passion is to discover new passions and be enthusiastic about it. To explore and try new exhilarating things. The adventure and new experiences make me more confident and sure of myself.
"Keep finding yourself and keep moving forward." Something I remind myself every single day.
Spread positivity. Radiate upbeat vibes. Easy to say, hard to preach. For the sake of more optimistic, thoughtful and understanding individuals, In the span of a week;
How many times do we smile at a stranger? How many times do we compliment our neighbours? How many times do we check on our friends? How many times do we show gratitude to our family? How many times do we forgive another human being? How many times do we symphatize and emphatize our colleague? How many times do we tell ourselves that we are capable of so much more?
I am leaving you on that note. I really hope you enjoyed reading and gained a lil somethin' somethin'. Till my next entry, ttfn, tata for now! hihihi. (cc: tiger from my friends tiger and pooh)
Writing. Blogging. I. Love. It. I am absolutely elated to share my thoughts and imaginations with you reading this. I started blogging a few years back, but I have never had the guts to make it public. I also used to write fiction on WattPad but I gave up after 4 episodes or so. Truth be told, it took me more than 3 years to gather and build my confidence to share my blog with the world. Cehhhhh. So, to those of you who thinks I am assertive, girl, it takes a lot of time and energy. Sending virtual enormous hugs, kisses and love to everyone who helped me be the person I am today. For supporting and encouraging. xoxo.
Clearly, I slacked and stopped blogging for a while.. but hey! I'm still here, right?
Wholly, I suppose that my passion is to discover new passions and be enthusiastic about it. To explore and try new exhilarating things. The adventure and new experiences make me more confident and sure of myself.
"Keep finding yourself and keep moving forward." Something I remind myself every single day.
Spread positivity. Radiate upbeat vibes. Easy to say, hard to preach. For the sake of more optimistic, thoughtful and understanding individuals, In the span of a week;
How many times do we smile at a stranger? How many times do we compliment our neighbours? How many times do we check on our friends? How many times do we show gratitude to our family? How many times do we forgive another human being? How many times do we symphatize and emphatize our colleague? How many times do we tell ourselves that we are capable of so much more?
I am leaving you on that note. I really hope you enjoyed reading and gained a lil somethin' somethin'. Till my next entry, ttfn, tata for now! hihihi. (cc: tiger from my friends tiger and pooh)
🎤 Raise your hands up in the air and scream! We're finding our voice, following our dreams 🎤
Sunday, 7 May 2017
One step closer // #7
"You've got to go with what feels instinctive and true to your heart, and filter out all of the other stuff." -Alison Goldfrapp
Del has been burning the midnight oil doing research regarding potion schools. The tasks given for the previous years can be as easy as ABC or as difficult as nailing a jelly to a tree. However, Del was confident that she will complete the task and she was convinced that she will join Sam George's Potion School, class of 2017.
Several hours later, the Roses arrived at Giethoorn, a village in the Dutch province of Overijssel. Del could not believe her eyes. The village is outstandingly beautiful. It looked like it was straight out of a fairy tale book which is a dream come true. One of the many interesting things about Giethoorn is that vehicles are only allowed up till the entrance. The only way to explore the village is by boats, bicycles and your cute little feet. What a way to go green.
Without wasting any time, Del and her family jumped in a canal to start their adventure. There was so much to see that Del could not be bothered to snapchat her trip. White sheep on the right hand side, quacking ducks on the left. Along the waterway, precious cottage houses and exquisite cafes can be seen. "Giethoorn is totally my aesthetic," said Del, as she whipped her phone out and snapped hundreds of photos.
The pleasant view of Little Venice, the cold air and the sound of water swishing was greatly calming. Evidently, Del almost fell asleep even while listening to the tour guide's upbeat explanation. She took this opportunity to think thoroughly about the task as her mind was clear and she was in a good mood. Plus, what better way to think about life than in Giethoorn?
In the midst of sorting out her mind and thoughts, Del saw a beaming green light coming from a house with thatched roof. Instantly, Del thought of the light from her hotel bathroom. She looked through the window as closely as possible and saw a figure standing before the light. A lot came to her mind but she could not just jump off the canal and knock on the door.
Ten long minutes later, the cruise finally ended and Del informed her parents that she wanted to have time alone to explore and take pictures for her blog. Certainly, she had something else in mind as well. Del rushed to the cottage house where the green light was seen. It did not took her long to get there because she remembered the house clearly. White bricked walls with thatched roof and long windows. Lucky for her, each one of the houses in Giethoorn are unique.
"I can do this. Just a single knock, 'Hi I'm Del' then I am good. Phewh. Okay. I can do this." She monologued.
As she was about to knock on the door, a young man in white t-shirt approached her. "Hey, looking for someone?" asked him.
"No, I was just about to.. I mean, Hi. I'm Del."
"Mason. Mason Huckleberry. Hi."
"So um, may I speak to you for a moment?" said Del, after realizing that she has been silent for a few minutes. "Sure, have a seat." Mason replied.
Sitting on a bench with a stranger by his house was quite intimidating. So, Del went straight to the point.
"Right. Okay. The green light. You saw it. Have any idea how to pass through and get to WOP?" Del inquired.
Mason's reaction mirrored shock, fright and confusion.
"Come again?" he replied, looking puzzled.
"I know, I know. Long story short, I saw the same beaming green light at my hotel and saw yours when I was on the canal. Now, want to help a friend out?" Del asked, hoping that he would say yes.
"No harm can be done, right? Come on in. We can talk inside." He answered.
In the span of 20 minutes, both Del and Mason shared all they knew about the task, the green light and everything in between. They exchanged twitter usernames for further discussions before Del took her leave. Immediately, Del got a notification reading "@notmason followed you" .
On her way back to the meeting point, Del managed to take some pictures of the village to post on her blog. Despite the short time she had left, the pictures turned out better than she expected.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's dinner time and The Roses were back in Amsterdam.
@delphiniumr_ : Wonderful day in Giethoorn. Absolutely breathtaking! 😍
@notmason : @delphiniumr_ you need to come back and figure this out together.
@delphiniumr_ : @notmason soon. I need to sort a few things out. ttfn.
It has been an unbelievably long day for Del. She figured it was time for her to hit the hay as it was way pass her bedtime.
Del has been burning the midnight oil doing research regarding potion schools. The tasks given for the previous years can be as easy as ABC or as difficult as nailing a jelly to a tree. However, Del was confident that she will complete the task and she was convinced that she will join Sam George's Potion School, class of 2017.
Several hours later, the Roses arrived at Giethoorn, a village in the Dutch province of Overijssel. Del could not believe her eyes. The village is outstandingly beautiful. It looked like it was straight out of a fairy tale book which is a dream come true. One of the many interesting things about Giethoorn is that vehicles are only allowed up till the entrance. The only way to explore the village is by boats, bicycles and your cute little feet. What a way to go green.
Without wasting any time, Del and her family jumped in a canal to start their adventure. There was so much to see that Del could not be bothered to snapchat her trip. White sheep on the right hand side, quacking ducks on the left. Along the waterway, precious cottage houses and exquisite cafes can be seen. "Giethoorn is totally my aesthetic," said Del, as she whipped her phone out and snapped hundreds of photos.
The pleasant view of Little Venice, the cold air and the sound of water swishing was greatly calming. Evidently, Del almost fell asleep even while listening to the tour guide's upbeat explanation. She took this opportunity to think thoroughly about the task as her mind was clear and she was in a good mood. Plus, what better way to think about life than in Giethoorn?
In the midst of sorting out her mind and thoughts, Del saw a beaming green light coming from a house with thatched roof. Instantly, Del thought of the light from her hotel bathroom. She looked through the window as closely as possible and saw a figure standing before the light. A lot came to her mind but she could not just jump off the canal and knock on the door.
Ten long minutes later, the cruise finally ended and Del informed her parents that she wanted to have time alone to explore and take pictures for her blog. Certainly, she had something else in mind as well. Del rushed to the cottage house where the green light was seen. It did not took her long to get there because she remembered the house clearly. White bricked walls with thatched roof and long windows. Lucky for her, each one of the houses in Giethoorn are unique.
"I can do this. Just a single knock, 'Hi I'm Del' then I am good. Phewh. Okay. I can do this." She monologued.
As she was about to knock on the door, a young man in white t-shirt approached her. "Hey, looking for someone?" asked him.
"No, I was just about to.. I mean, Hi. I'm Del."
"Mason. Mason Huckleberry. Hi."
"So um, may I speak to you for a moment?" said Del, after realizing that she has been silent for a few minutes. "Sure, have a seat." Mason replied.
Sitting on a bench with a stranger by his house was quite intimidating. So, Del went straight to the point.
"Right. Okay. The green light. You saw it. Have any idea how to pass through and get to WOP?" Del inquired.
Mason's reaction mirrored shock, fright and confusion.
"Come again?" he replied, looking puzzled.
"I know, I know. Long story short, I saw the same beaming green light at my hotel and saw yours when I was on the canal. Now, want to help a friend out?" Del asked, hoping that he would say yes.
"No harm can be done, right? Come on in. We can talk inside." He answered.
In the span of 20 minutes, both Del and Mason shared all they knew about the task, the green light and everything in between. They exchanged twitter usernames for further discussions before Del took her leave. Immediately, Del got a notification reading "@notmason followed you" .
On her way back to the meeting point, Del managed to take some pictures of the village to post on her blog. Despite the short time she had left, the pictures turned out better than she expected.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's dinner time and The Roses were back in Amsterdam.
@delphiniumr_ : Wonderful day in Giethoorn. Absolutely breathtaking! 😍
@notmason : @delphiniumr_ you need to come back and figure this out together.
@delphiniumr_ : @notmason soon. I need to sort a few things out. ttfn.
It has been an unbelievably long day for Del. She figured it was time for her to hit the hay as it was way pass her bedtime.
send to: Calla Antonio
"Call me first thing tomorrow. Del x"
at 00.19 a.m.
Saturday, 15 April 2017
An adventure awaits. // #6
"Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it." -Lou Holtz
Location: Amsterdam, Netherlands.
"OMG, is this even real? Mum turn around. It's gorgeous!" said Del, referring to the Amsterdam Centraal Train Station.
Location: Amsterdam, Netherlands.
"OMG, is this even real? Mum turn around. It's gorgeous!" said Del, referring to the Amsterdam Centraal Train Station.
I'm walking on the street of Amsterdam 🎤
Del was ecstatic to be in Amsterdam. After months of travel vlog binging, she finally got to see the white and blue trams, the famous canal cruise and the constantly busy bicycle lanes. It has only been ten minutes since she jumped off the train but Amsterdam had already taken her breathe away.
Without wasting a minute, Del and her family made their way to their hotel. Luckily, the A-Train Hotel is only five minutes away from the Centraal station (read: on foot).
As soon as they checked-in and dropped off their luggages, the Roses went on a river cruise. It was a decent way to see all of Amsterdam. Audio guides were provided to commentate and explain about the 100 highlights in Amsterdam. The audio tour is available in eight different languages so it's not a problem for non-Dutch speakers like them.
The Roses spent their first evening in Amsterdam taking selfies and family pictures in front of the 'IAMSTERDAM' sign which is located near the Rijksmuseum. It was almost impossible to capture a perfect photo because people were climbing and sticking out their heads from behind and in between the giant letters. It was a struggle but a family photo with thirty strangers would do.
An hour passed by and their tummies were rumbling. After walking a few metres before the sign, Del and her twin brothers saw something that nobody could resist. A massive vanilla ice cream sculpture. I know. They fled to the stall and queued to get themselves an ice cream and a nutella waffle each.
Even though it was 12°C , the sun was out and it was the perfect weather for a cold treat.
On their way back to the hotel, Del witnessed a young man collapse right before her very eyes. His face was covered in blood. She was taken aback. She could not move a muscle. People started gathering around and thankfully, she heard someone calling the ambulance. Her heart was racing and she was sweating. In that moment of despair, she sniffed an odd but familiar smell. It was almost as bad as the smell of blue cheese. Strangely enough, Del noticed that she was the only one who could smell it. It was horrible and terrifying.
"Del come on, we are going to miss the tram! Hurry up!" shouted Zinnia.
"I-I-I'm coming." stuttered Del.
"Everything okay Del? We can talk" asked Mr.Rose.
"It's nothing. I'm fine." Del replied, thinking about the event. It's not fine.
After an unbelievably long day, Del took a nap on the sofa. It was only 6 p.m.
The Roses spent their first evening in Amsterdam taking selfies and family pictures in front of the 'IAMSTERDAM' sign which is located near the Rijksmuseum. It was almost impossible to capture a perfect photo because people were climbing and sticking out their heads from behind and in between the giant letters. It was a struggle but a family photo with thirty strangers would do.
An hour passed by and their tummies were rumbling. After walking a few metres before the sign, Del and her twin brothers saw something that nobody could resist. A massive vanilla ice cream sculpture. I know. They fled to the stall and queued to get themselves an ice cream and a nutella waffle each.
Even though it was 12°C , the sun was out and it was the perfect weather for a cold treat.
On their way back to the hotel, Del witnessed a young man collapse right before her very eyes. His face was covered in blood. She was taken aback. She could not move a muscle. People started gathering around and thankfully, she heard someone calling the ambulance. Her heart was racing and she was sweating. In that moment of despair, she sniffed an odd but familiar smell. It was almost as bad as the smell of blue cheese. Strangely enough, Del noticed that she was the only one who could smell it. It was horrible and terrifying.
"Del come on, we are going to miss the tram! Hurry up!" shouted Zinnia.
"I-I-I'm coming." stuttered Del.
"Everything okay Del? We can talk" asked Mr.Rose.
"It's nothing. I'm fine." Del replied, thinking about the event. It's not fine.
After an unbelievably long day, Del took a nap on the sofa. It was only 6 p.m.
Find the responsible creature and use the eluvian ivy. Bring justice to the young man and the door will be open for you.
Del woke up with the worst headache. "Eluvian what? Justice? Door? What door? What's happening?" mumbled Del, confused. She went to the kitchen and found a note on the fridge.
"We're going out for dinner. You refused to come. There's some leftover in the fridge. Heat it up."
Whilst drinking a glass of cold water, Del spotted bright green lights coming from the bathroom across the room. Out of curiosity, she made her way to the bathroom to see some words transcribed on the door. It wrote 'World of Potions'. She was shocked and extremely excited to set foot in WOP. Del did not know that the way to WOP was through her hotel bathroom. At the drop of a hat, she reached for the doorknob and tried to open the door. Unfortunately, it was unsuccessful. The door was locked.
"Is anybody in there? Hello?" asked Del, but there was no reply.
Del was puzzled. "Is this all in my head or is this legitimate? Goodness. Am I out of my mind?" She started thinking about the dream she had. "Maybe this has something to do with the eluvian thingy majigy and the man, the smell- Oh my god." Del gasped. At times like this, she wished she brought Calla along on the trip.
Del went on her phone and googled 'WOP', 'Eluvian navy' and 'strange smell accident' but nothing came up. Obviously. Del spent the rest of the night trying to figure out what her dream meant. At the back of her mind, she was almost sure she heard a thing or two about the eluvian navy. However, she could not quite put her finger on it.
At breakfast the next morning, Del was particularly anxious about her family members seeing the green light from the bathroom. She figured that if they saw the writing on the door, her identity would be revealed. After every bite of egg toast, she would glance at the door to see if anyone went to the bathroom.
A few moments later, Del was surprised when she saw her dad coming out from the bathroom.
A few moments later, Del was surprised when she saw her dad coming out from the bathroom.
"No! What are you doing dad? Wait- how did you get in there? It was locked last night. Do you have the key? How did you get in there?" She was beyond nervous.
Did her dad see the World of Potions? Will she be expelled even before enrolling?
"Um, no Del. It was not locked. A simple twist and wala! Haha." Gestured Mr.Rose. "Are you okay? You have been acting weird lately. What happened yesterday?" He continued.
She dashed to the bathroom and washed her face a number of times. Everything was blurry to Del. She did not understand what was happening and it was driving her crazy. She stared at her reflection and was singing in her head.
Who is that girl I see? Staring straight back at me. Why is my reflection someone I don't know?🎤
"Wait- I was saying it wrong all along! It's Eluvian Ivy. Yes. I need to find it. Calla. I gotta call Calla." Rejoiced Del.
Del reached for her phone and dialed Calla's number. A few beeps later, Calla was at the other end of the line. Del reported to Calla about the incidents from A to Z. Whilst listening to the news, Calla searched for her great grandparents' ancient potion books in the library. She was hoping to find answers in the books. Calla was not as worried as Del because she read something about a test before enrolling in a potion school.
"Aha! Here we go!" exclaimed Calla, as she read the rules and regulations to enroll in a potion school. She told Del that there was nothing to be afraid of. Calla believed that the incidents Del was going through was just a part of a test before studying in Sam George's Potion School. "Seems like someone didn't do her homework." Said Calla, mocking her best friend.
"God why didn't I read the T&C before even flying here? UGH" whined Del.
to be continued
Sunday, 2 April 2017
Journey to London // #5
"Every day brings new choices" -Martha Beck
As soon as Del woke up from her deep sleep, tears were streaming down her face as though something atrocious happened in her sleep. It was not the first time Del experienced this odd situation but she was still at sixes and sevens. She sat silently on the uncomfortable airplane seat, not being able to stretch her legs. Del has been staring into space for almost half an hour until the stewardess asked if she fancied coffee or tea. She fancied tea.
"With 2 teaspoons of sugar please" answered Del.
"Creamer miss?"
"No, I'm all good. Thank you" Del smiled, trying to reassure the stewardess.
Del was miles away from home. She was thousands feet above her comfort zone. She was not exactly homesick as her whole family was in the same aircraft. She felt rather anxious and restless nonetheless. Good thing the stewardess did not mind Del asking for more tea every now and then. In fact, she was more than happy to help Del throughout their journey to London.
Del is the exact opposite of her twin brothers. The boys like the window seat but Del likes the aisle seat. The lads prefer chicken but Del prefers fish. The twins are extroverts but Del is an introvert.
And the list goes on and on and on and on. Even though their differences always lead to arguments but at least Del does not have to fight for the aisle seat.
She popped her earphones on, Westlife on play and Finding Audrey in hand. She spent hours reading Sophie Kinsella's masterpiece. She was soaked in Audrey's world and completely blocked the reality. With the sound of babies crying, the aerodynamic noise and the chitter-chatter around Del, it was a much needed escape. Del's quick tip that she constantly reminds herself and her friends online is 'read to escape'. She found the quote somewhere on pinterest about 2 years ago and has been drilling it in her mind ever since. So far, reading has really helped Del go through tough times in her life. Don't get her wrong. Del has always enjoyed reading since she was small but as you grow older, you start living in a busier life. Reading is just an alternative and quick way to enjoy time to yourself. At least that's what Del thinks.
"Cabin crew please prepare for landing"
This was it. After thinking carefully for two long years, Del finally decided to set foot in the World of Potions and finally accepted the offer from the best standing school in WOP, Sam George's Potion School. Yes, The Sam George. Master Sam George who visited Del in her dreams a couple years back. Awesome, isn't it?
The only problem was that her family had no clue about this whole Potion World, Sam George and the potions in her cupboard. They had absolutely no idea. The family thought Del was bringing them on a trip purely to go on holiday and spend time together as a normal family. Little did they know, she was hiding something big from them. London was just the first stop. A transit before entering the World of Potions.
The only person who knew about Del's true identity and mission was dearest friend Calla, who's also a potion maker. However, she didn't get invited nor accepted by the school. It was bitter for the two best friends. Being the wise teenagers they were, Del and Calla made their choices together. Calla was controlling the situation at home whilst Del studied with Master George. It was a brilliant plan.
2nd of April, 2017.
00:21 a.m.
I can't believe I'll be breathing London air. I can't believe I have the chance to meet Estée in the streets. Oh I just can't wait to tell her how much I love her. I am gonna bring #bloombook wherever I go just in case I bump into her. Eeeeksss!!
6:00 a.m.
I have the whole day to explore London! I'm gonna be the tourist of the day. I'm gonna take pictures with the red telephone booth, I'm gonna jump the highest jump in front of the Buckingham Palace, I'm gonna take cool photos with Big Ben, oooo yess I just can't wait!!!
When they reached London Heathrow Airport, Del, Ren and Zinnia dashed outside to the cold breeze air. They could not contain their excitement as the weather back home is always scorching hot. Being able to experience cold weather was astounding.
Del booked a Big Bus Tour ticket for the whole family online about a month ago. The ticket allowed them to enjoy the big bus double decker tour for 48 hours. They took the blue route because they wanted to stop at Marble Arch, Oxford Street, Piccadilly Circus, Trafalgar Square, Westminster Abbey where the Big Ben is, Tower Bridge and of course Buckingham Palace!
A trip to London would not be a trip to London if they skipped Harrods, no? Del was never a fan of high end make up or Harrods' goodies. She was excited to see the new releases at Cath Kidston and Kikki.K stationery. Although it was a brief look and a short visit, Del was over the moon. It inspired her to continue journaling and to keep chasing her dreams.
Before leaving the hustle and bustle of London city, they stopped by at one of the Royal Parks in London, the Green Park. It was filled with locals sunbathing, families playing catch with their dog, couples enjoying waffles and ice cream, a gentleman picking yellow tulips for his woman and a group of friends hanging out while jamming to good music.
It was the perfect, bright, calm and sunny day.
As soon as Del woke up from her deep sleep, tears were streaming down her face as though something atrocious happened in her sleep. It was not the first time Del experienced this odd situation but she was still at sixes and sevens. She sat silently on the uncomfortable airplane seat, not being able to stretch her legs. Del has been staring into space for almost half an hour until the stewardess asked if she fancied coffee or tea. She fancied tea.
"With 2 teaspoons of sugar please" answered Del.
"Creamer miss?"
"No, I'm all good. Thank you" Del smiled, trying to reassure the stewardess.
Del was miles away from home. She was thousands feet above her comfort zone. She was not exactly homesick as her whole family was in the same aircraft. She felt rather anxious and restless nonetheless. Good thing the stewardess did not mind Del asking for more tea every now and then. In fact, she was more than happy to help Del throughout their journey to London.
Del is the exact opposite of her twin brothers. The boys like the window seat but Del likes the aisle seat. The lads prefer chicken but Del prefers fish. The twins are extroverts but Del is an introvert.
And the list goes on and on and on and on. Even though their differences always lead to arguments but at least Del does not have to fight for the aisle seat.
She popped her earphones on, Westlife on play and Finding Audrey in hand. She spent hours reading Sophie Kinsella's masterpiece. She was soaked in Audrey's world and completely blocked the reality. With the sound of babies crying, the aerodynamic noise and the chitter-chatter around Del, it was a much needed escape. Del's quick tip that she constantly reminds herself and her friends online is 'read to escape'. She found the quote somewhere on pinterest about 2 years ago and has been drilling it in her mind ever since. So far, reading has really helped Del go through tough times in her life. Don't get her wrong. Del has always enjoyed reading since she was small but as you grow older, you start living in a busier life. Reading is just an alternative and quick way to enjoy time to yourself. At least that's what Del thinks.
"Cabin crew please prepare for landing"
This was it. After thinking carefully for two long years, Del finally decided to set foot in the World of Potions and finally accepted the offer from the best standing school in WOP, Sam George's Potion School. Yes, The Sam George. Master Sam George who visited Del in her dreams a couple years back. Awesome, isn't it?
The only problem was that her family had no clue about this whole Potion World, Sam George and the potions in her cupboard. They had absolutely no idea. The family thought Del was bringing them on a trip purely to go on holiday and spend time together as a normal family. Little did they know, she was hiding something big from them. London was just the first stop. A transit before entering the World of Potions.
The only person who knew about Del's true identity and mission was dearest friend Calla, who's also a potion maker. However, she didn't get invited nor accepted by the school. It was bitter for the two best friends. Being the wise teenagers they were, Del and Calla made their choices together. Calla was controlling the situation at home whilst Del studied with Master George. It was a brilliant plan.
2nd of April, 2017.
00:21 a.m.
I can't believe I'll be breathing London air. I can't believe I have the chance to meet Estée in the streets. Oh I just can't wait to tell her how much I love her. I am gonna bring #bloombook wherever I go just in case I bump into her. Eeeeksss!!
6:00 a.m.
I have the whole day to explore London! I'm gonna be the tourist of the day. I'm gonna take pictures with the red telephone booth, I'm gonna jump the highest jump in front of the Buckingham Palace, I'm gonna take cool photos with Big Ben, oooo yess I just can't wait!!!
OHH I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE KIIINGGGG🎤
When they reached London Heathrow Airport, Del, Ren and Zinnia dashed outside to the cold breeze air. They could not contain their excitement as the weather back home is always scorching hot. Being able to experience cold weather was astounding.
Del booked a Big Bus Tour ticket for the whole family online about a month ago. The ticket allowed them to enjoy the big bus double decker tour for 48 hours. They took the blue route because they wanted to stop at Marble Arch, Oxford Street, Piccadilly Circus, Trafalgar Square, Westminster Abbey where the Big Ben is, Tower Bridge and of course Buckingham Palace!
A trip to London would not be a trip to London if they skipped Harrods, no? Del was never a fan of high end make up or Harrods' goodies. She was excited to see the new releases at Cath Kidston and Kikki.K stationery. Although it was a brief look and a short visit, Del was over the moon. It inspired her to continue journaling and to keep chasing her dreams.
Before leaving the hustle and bustle of London city, they stopped by at one of the Royal Parks in London, the Green Park. It was filled with locals sunbathing, families playing catch with their dog, couples enjoying waffles and ice cream, a gentleman picking yellow tulips for his woman and a group of friends hanging out while jamming to good music.
It was the perfect, bright, calm and sunny day.
Wednesday, 8 March 2017
DR-DIARY // #4
"Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness" -Martin Luther King
He was born to be Del's best friend. He was her Flounder, her Stitch and her Baloo. He was the only human being Del trusted with her life.
Jarred knows her darkest secret, her biggest fear and her ugliest insecurity. Jarred Clover, age 13.
DR-DIARY
4th of April, 2012.
10.03 a.m.
I have never felt this dreadful. I look like an abominable. I had three cups of Valerian tea and it is still not going away. There is no way I am going out like this.
12.00 p.m.
My phone keeps on buzzing. 13 missed calls, 10 text messages and 42 whatsapp messages. I will not go out looking like this. I can't.
3.03 p.m.
The doorbell is ringing. It's Jarred. I don't want to see him. I can't.
3.06 p.m.
The doorbell is ringing. It's Calla. I don't want to see her. I can't.
6th of April, 2012.
10.00 p.m.
My head feels dizzy. My heart is pounding. I am about to burst into tears and Calla hates me.
"Serves me right for ignoring her and missing her birthday party," sobbed Del, before she passed out and fell on the floor.
Del felt horrible for Jarred and Calla. Especially Calla. Even though they have no idea what is going on with Del, she felt terrible. She decided to see them and spend the evening together. Del went straight to her cupboard to see seven bottles of potion. It was no surprise to Del as she was knocked out for almost a week. Del decided to bring the confusing concoction as she thought it would be funny to put a drop or two in Mr. Hanks' coffee and see him mixing up the ingredients to make his so-called-perfect-and-fluffy-bread. It has always been the trio's guilty pleasure; to mess with Mr. Hanks' bakery.
After hours and hours trying to get Calla to come out of her house, Del was at wits' end. Calla would not answer her calls and messages.
"Jarred. I need to see Jarred." said Del, trembling.
She rushed to Jarred's house and rang the bell. "Hi, Del? What are you doing here?"
Jarred was shocked to see his best friend, crying on his pavement.
Del was immensely thankful that Jarred was willing to talk to her. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" asked Jarred, as he place a glass of water on the coffee table.
She knew she had to tell him about her anxiety but not this time. Not today.
"It's Calla. She won't answer my calls. I have been waiting for her for hours. She's furious, I know it."
Jarred did not look surprised. He knew exactly why Calla did what she did. "Del, you missed your best friend's birthday party. You ignored both of us the whole week. Do you wanna tell me what's up?"
"No, I'm sorry."
She thought that if she let Jarred in on her biggest secret, he would run away. Little did she know, she bet on the wrong horse. Jarred would never leave his best friend. He would never.
The both of them spent their evening listening to Jason Mraz - You and I both. Classic.
Jarred was respectful of Del's decision. He did not force Del to set forth her feelings.
He was caring and compassionate.
Del has had a lump in her throat for more than a year. It is December, 2013 and there is still no news from Calla. Devastated is the understatement of the year. Fortunately, Jarred stuck by her through the entire ordeal.
He was benign and genuine.
23rd of December, 2013.
10.56 p.m.
I am aware of how curvy my body is, how big I am for my age, how huge I am compared to my classmates, and how my body is not socially accepted. We live in such a messed up world. Honestly. At times, I don't even care how I appear in public but god knows how rude and irresponsible people at school can be. They are not mindful of others' feelings. It bugs me so much to the extend that I would skip school just to avoid the awful people. I have dealt with body-shaming since I was in kindergarten and now I am in high school. Some things just don't change, huh? I know a lot of girls and even boys being called out for not having the so-called-perfect-body. It is disgusting. Take my word on this. Body-shaming has dropped many self-esteems. You have absolutely no idea how wretched the scarring you left in his or her heart. It stays and it never heals. In all seriousness, ladies and gents, body-shaming should stop. It hurts and it kills. You would be curling up if someone threw nasty words at you. So please, please, please stop calling people names and such. Pretty please with sprinkles and strawberries on top. I most certainly don't need anyone to pity or sympathize my situation. I simply need to live in a better and less judgemental world. You don't have to comfort me and tell me I am good enough. I am my own rocket fuel. I too don't need anyone else to know about my insecurities but Jarred has been my best friend since we were 10 years old. He needs to know. I am 14 and I finally told someone about my anxiety and body image issue. I would tell Calla but you know how things stack up. I miss her dearly.
As she was writing her latest entry in her diary, Del secretly wished for her diary to be found by someone who would publish her thoughts. She wants to be just like Anne Frank. She wants her thoughts to be known and to be taken action of. She wants body-shaming to stop. Immediately.
Two Thousand Fifteen.
Jarred, Calla and I.
Jarred and I.
Jarred, Calla and I.
Calla and I.
Calla and I.
It is 2015 and it's Calla and I.
Jarred left us. He is gone.
It hurts. It seriously hurts.
We are hurt. We are tremendously hurt.
Jarred. My best friend Jarred. Our best friend Jarred.
Jarred Clover, age 16.
His perpetual smile, I will never get over it.
His wise words, I will always hold on to them.
His horrible jokes, I will always remember them.
The Oliver Oken of the trio.
He left us. He is gone.
Life was hard for Del. At one point, her dearest friend Calla broke off all connections with her and the next, her best friend Jarred left her. Life was tough. For several years, she went through a horrific part in her life. She was constantly at her lowest. For countless years, she was surrounded by disturbing and negative vibes. It was horrendous. She was fragile and vulnerable.
One beautiful morning, she could hear the birds chirping, greeting her early in the morning, the mesmerizing blue sky above her; for the first time in forever, Del noticed the admirable world. She finally cracked the ugly wall that has been blinding her view.
Del decided to call it quits. It's time to end this sinister and somber part of her life. It's time to move on and leave the negativity behind. It's time to find her true self. It's time to be Delphinium Rose.
3rd of March, 2017.
Calla and I went through J's instagram but luck was not on our side. It has been 2 years since his last post. We are upset but that would not stop us from pursuing our dream, even without him. J, if you are reading this, which I am sure you are not cse why would you read my diary? hahaha. J, we are currently volunteering at 'Girl Talk' . Girl talk is a national nonprofit organization that establishes positive weekly peer-to-peer mentoring programs for middle school girls, which are led by high school girls. Girl Talk Chapters help young teenage girls build self-esteem, develop leadership skills and recognize the value of community service. It is truly an honour to be able to join and be surrounded by such beautiful and optimistic young girls. I hope you are doing well, wherever you are in the world, J.
Before I forget, Calla and I would like to dedicate this part of 'Seasons In the Sun' to you, J. Thank you for the amazing 6 years of friendship. Hope to see you very soon man, we miss you.
Yours,
Miley and Lilly of the trio.
He was born to be Del's best friend. He was her Flounder, her Stitch and her Baloo. He was the only human being Del trusted with her life.
Jarred knows her darkest secret, her biggest fear and her ugliest insecurity. Jarred Clover, age 13.
DR-DIARY
4th of April, 2012.
10.03 a.m.
I have never felt this dreadful. I look like an abominable. I had three cups of Valerian tea and it is still not going away. There is no way I am going out like this.
12.00 p.m.
My phone keeps on buzzing. 13 missed calls, 10 text messages and 42 whatsapp messages. I will not go out looking like this. I can't.
3.03 p.m.
The doorbell is ringing. It's Jarred. I don't want to see him. I can't.
3.06 p.m.
The doorbell is ringing. It's Calla. I don't want to see her. I can't.
6th of April, 2012.
10.00 p.m.
My head feels dizzy. My heart is pounding. I am about to burst into tears and Calla hates me.
"Serves me right for ignoring her and missing her birthday party," sobbed Del, before she passed out and fell on the floor.
Del felt horrible for Jarred and Calla. Especially Calla. Even though they have no idea what is going on with Del, she felt terrible. She decided to see them and spend the evening together. Del went straight to her cupboard to see seven bottles of potion. It was no surprise to Del as she was knocked out for almost a week. Del decided to bring the confusing concoction as she thought it would be funny to put a drop or two in Mr. Hanks' coffee and see him mixing up the ingredients to make his so-called-perfect-and-fluffy-bread. It has always been the trio's guilty pleasure; to mess with Mr. Hanks' bakery.
After hours and hours trying to get Calla to come out of her house, Del was at wits' end. Calla would not answer her calls and messages.
"Jarred. I need to see Jarred." said Del, trembling.
She rushed to Jarred's house and rang the bell. "Hi, Del? What are you doing here?"
Jarred was shocked to see his best friend, crying on his pavement.
Del was immensely thankful that Jarred was willing to talk to her. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" asked Jarred, as he place a glass of water on the coffee table.
She knew she had to tell him about her anxiety but not this time. Not today.
"It's Calla. She won't answer my calls. I have been waiting for her for hours. She's furious, I know it."
Jarred did not look surprised. He knew exactly why Calla did what she did. "Del, you missed your best friend's birthday party. You ignored both of us the whole week. Do you wanna tell me what's up?"
"No, I'm sorry."
She thought that if she let Jarred in on her biggest secret, he would run away. Little did she know, she bet on the wrong horse. Jarred would never leave his best friend. He would never.
The both of them spent their evening listening to Jason Mraz - You and I both. Classic.
Jarred was respectful of Del's decision. He did not force Del to set forth her feelings.
He was caring and compassionate.
Del has had a lump in her throat for more than a year. It is December, 2013 and there is still no news from Calla. Devastated is the understatement of the year. Fortunately, Jarred stuck by her through the entire ordeal.
He was benign and genuine.
23rd of December, 2013.
10.56 p.m.
I am aware of how curvy my body is, how big I am for my age, how huge I am compared to my classmates, and how my body is not socially accepted. We live in such a messed up world. Honestly. At times, I don't even care how I appear in public but god knows how rude and irresponsible people at school can be. They are not mindful of others' feelings. It bugs me so much to the extend that I would skip school just to avoid the awful people. I have dealt with body-shaming since I was in kindergarten and now I am in high school. Some things just don't change, huh? I know a lot of girls and even boys being called out for not having the so-called-perfect-body. It is disgusting. Take my word on this. Body-shaming has dropped many self-esteems. You have absolutely no idea how wretched the scarring you left in his or her heart. It stays and it never heals. In all seriousness, ladies and gents, body-shaming should stop. It hurts and it kills. You would be curling up if someone threw nasty words at you. So please, please, please stop calling people names and such. Pretty please with sprinkles and strawberries on top. I most certainly don't need anyone to pity or sympathize my situation. I simply need to live in a better and less judgemental world. You don't have to comfort me and tell me I am good enough. I am my own rocket fuel. I too don't need anyone else to know about my insecurities but Jarred has been my best friend since we were 10 years old. He needs to know. I am 14 and I finally told someone about my anxiety and body image issue. I would tell Calla but you know how things stack up. I miss her dearly.
As she was writing her latest entry in her diary, Del secretly wished for her diary to be found by someone who would publish her thoughts. She wants to be just like Anne Frank. She wants her thoughts to be known and to be taken action of. She wants body-shaming to stop. Immediately.
Two Thousand Fifteen.
Jarred, Calla and I.
Jarred and I.
Jarred, Calla and I.
Calla and I.
Calla and I.
It is 2015 and it's Calla and I.
Jarred left us. He is gone.
It hurts. It seriously hurts.
We are hurt. We are tremendously hurt.
Jarred. My best friend Jarred. Our best friend Jarred.
Jarred Clover, age 16.
His perpetual smile, I will never get over it.
His wise words, I will always hold on to them.
His horrible jokes, I will always remember them.
The Oliver Oken of the trio.
He left us. He is gone.
Life was hard for Del. At one point, her dearest friend Calla broke off all connections with her and the next, her best friend Jarred left her. Life was tough. For several years, she went through a horrific part in her life. She was constantly at her lowest. For countless years, she was surrounded by disturbing and negative vibes. It was horrendous. She was fragile and vulnerable.
One beautiful morning, she could hear the birds chirping, greeting her early in the morning, the mesmerizing blue sky above her; for the first time in forever, Del noticed the admirable world. She finally cracked the ugly wall that has been blinding her view.
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change and breakaway 🎤
Del decided to call it quits. It's time to end this sinister and somber part of her life. It's time to move on and leave the negativity behind. It's time to find her true self. It's time to be Delphinium Rose.
3rd of March, 2017.
Calla and I went through J's instagram but luck was not on our side. It has been 2 years since his last post. We are upset but that would not stop us from pursuing our dream, even without him. J, if you are reading this, which I am sure you are not cse why would you read my diary? hahaha. J, we are currently volunteering at 'Girl Talk' . Girl talk is a national nonprofit organization that establishes positive weekly peer-to-peer mentoring programs for middle school girls, which are led by high school girls. Girl Talk Chapters help young teenage girls build self-esteem, develop leadership skills and recognize the value of community service. It is truly an honour to be able to join and be surrounded by such beautiful and optimistic young girls. I hope you are doing well, wherever you are in the world, J.
Before I forget, Calla and I would like to dedicate this part of 'Seasons In the Sun' to you, J. Thank you for the amazing 6 years of friendship. Hope to see you very soon man, we miss you.
🎤
Goodbye to you, my trusted friend
We've known each other since we were nine or ten
Together we've climbed hills and trees
Learned of love and ABC's
Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees
Miley and Lilly of the trio.
Saturday, 25 February 2017
A letter for my Heather. // #3
"Strive for progress, not perfection" -un
Have you ever felt like giving up?
Have you ever felt like your presentation is not as great?
Have you ever felt like your best is not good enough?
It is A-OK.
It is respectable.
Start forgiving yourself. Start understanding yourself. Start loving yourself.
All you Hannah Montana fans, you know the drill. Imagine having blonde straight hair, grab your most sparkly outfit, your personal microphone and-
SING WITH ME 🎤
Nobody's perfect!
I gotta work it!
Again and again 'till I get it right
Nobody's perfect!
You live and you learn it!
And if I mess it up sometimes
Nobody's perfect
Wasn't that fun? I bet your inner fangirl screamed a little. hehe. The point is, there is no such thing as "good enough" or "perfect". Learn to accept and cherish yourself. That is one of the best ways to be thankful for having the chance to live one more day. I guarantee you will feel better about yourself.
Another thing, follow your heart and don't be afraid to express yourself. I can't tell you enough how many times I neglected the power of passion. Obviously, I fought my own dark mind now. I am pursuing my dream to be a blogger and hope to give an impact on at least one of my readers. On that note, I want to share a letter in hope that I will sprinkle even a dust of motivation.
When writing the letter, I got a little emotional as I had my sister and my girlfriends in mind. Shoutout to them for virtually helping me publish this letter.
Enjoy.
A letter for my Heather.
Heather,
Do
you know what is important? Good guess. It is not what people think of
you that takes into account but what you think of yourself. We often
forget that the biggest critic is ourselves. As cliché as it sounds, it
is the truth. First and foremost, Heather, I am utterly sorry for not
having the guts to talk to you face to face. The last time we met, you
were shattered and I was taken aback. To make it up, here is a letter
for you.
Heather, I know you did your absolute best and I am so proud of you. Heather, look how far you have come. I know it was a roller coaster but you made it. Even with the negative load people put on your shoulder, the ugly words people threw at you, the horrible rumors people spread around you, you made it. You went through high school and graduated. You showed to the world that you are more than who they think you are. Most importantly, you proved to yourself that you are capable of so much more. Exact revenge.
It is not about how quick or how well you achieve your goal, Heather. Everyone will get there, eventually. What makes you different is the determination you have to get through the obstacles and hardships. Everyone is unique and special, including you, my dear friend Heather. You were not less fortunate, you simply walked on a different pathway. And that is definitely okay.
Now the next stage in life, are you prepared? I sure am not but we will go through this, together. My dad once remarked, "dream big to win big". Don't you agree with him? As you know, I am certainly not an idle dreamer. I wish to change the society's way of thinking. I am not sure how, but I will. You too can dream big, and live the life you want. The happy and positive life. You are going to get there, I promise.
Heather, I know you did your absolute best and I am so proud of you. Heather, look how far you have come. I know it was a roller coaster but you made it. Even with the negative load people put on your shoulder, the ugly words people threw at you, the horrible rumors people spread around you, you made it. You went through high school and graduated. You showed to the world that you are more than who they think you are. Most importantly, you proved to yourself that you are capable of so much more. Exact revenge.
It is not about how quick or how well you achieve your goal, Heather. Everyone will get there, eventually. What makes you different is the determination you have to get through the obstacles and hardships. Everyone is unique and special, including you, my dear friend Heather. You were not less fortunate, you simply walked on a different pathway. And that is definitely okay.
Now the next stage in life, are you prepared? I sure am not but we will go through this, together. My dad once remarked, "dream big to win big". Don't you agree with him? As you know, I am certainly not an idle dreamer. I wish to change the society's way of thinking. I am not sure how, but I will. You too can dream big, and live the life you want. The happy and positive life. You are going to get there, I promise.
Evidently,
with the positivity and passion I carry in my mind and heart, I am
where I am. I am where I should be. I am where I will be. My dear friend
Heather, we will go on this journey together. I believe in you, you
know I do. You have my hand in yours, I give you my word of honour. When
you are ready to face the world again, let's meet up and have a proper
chat. I'll be at your beck and call.
With that, I end my letter here.
Yours,
Delphinium Rose.
Saturday, 11 February 2017
MY 7 MUST HAVES / ESSENTIALS
"Only a few things are important," -Marie Dressler.
Ready?
UNO -A GOOD BOOK
If you knew me since primary school, I was one of the many people who hated reading. I would do absolutely anything to avoid picking up a book. Fortunately, my mother made reading fun. Every time I finish a book, she would give me a sticker to paste on the spine of the book. Since then, I read more books. (my love for stickers is real, kan Cheng Li kan??)
After the busy SPM life, I got back into reading and let me tell you, I feel more human. I forgot how thrilled I am whenever I pick up a brand new book. I am currently reading the second installment of the firebird trilogy by Claudia Gray; Ten Thousand Skies Above You AND the classic Anne Frank Diary. Yes, I know I am so behind but books don't have expiry dates, do they? hehe.
My top 3 reads:
1) The Potion Diaries by Amy Alward (3rd book in August !!!)
2) The Last Princess by Galaxy Craze
3) Everything, Everything by Nicola Yoon (motion picture coming soon !!!)
Please give the books a read and you can thank me later.
DOS -JOURNALS
Ever since I was 9 years old, I would always write about my day or thoughts in a book. You know that 'Dear Diary' kinda thing? yeah that.. All thanks to The Barbie Diaries .
At the moment, I am using 3 journals. Just hear me out alright?
a) Normal journaling journal for everyday thoughts
b) Question Of The Day journal ; february Qs
c) Rezeki Of The Day journal
Most of you might think, "man Afiqah how do you keep up with the journals everyday?"
The answer to that is I don't. You do not have to write an entry every single day. Write as you like!
Journaling is just another way to let things out and clear your mind. Write whatever your heart desires. When you're content, write. When you're feeling blue, write. When you're furious, write. When you're perplexed, write. I guarantee you will feel better if not terrific. You should definitely give it a go!
TRES -COLOURED INKS
When jotting down notes or writing an essay, I need that pop of colour to spice things up and lift my mood. Instantly in raptures.
What more can I say? Coloured inks make me jubilant. Particularly, pilot's wingel, my trusty sharpie markers and the Monami LiveColor pens. I am obsessed with them and I don't care what you think. They always come in handy especially when making birthday or farewell cards. Another reason to keep collecting them is PRESENTATIONS, YES.
CUATRO -BODY or HAND CREAMS
Who has dry skin, put yo hands up, p-p-p-put yo hands up. I feel you girl, I feel you. Parched skin is awwwwwful. Thanks to the amazing Bath & Body Works, my skin is grateful for their lush ultra shea body creams. My absolute favourite scents are Sun-ripened Raspberry, Sweet Pea and Pretty as a Peach. Mmmhhhmmmmmmmm! Nothing better than applying lotion after a refreshing shower.
CINCO -LIP BALM
Now this one is a total must have. I get really annoyed when my lips feel dry, even if they don't look as dry. Apply any lip balm containing beeswax or petroleum and you can kiss your chapped lips goodbye. I highly recommend vaseline, it is life changing. Watsons' and Guardian's lip balms does the job too and are A okay.
SEIS -MINYAK CAP KAPAK LOL
Okay this has been THE staple item for countless years. I get major headaches so often, it's ridiculous. However, it does not bother me as much as it used to, alhamdulillah. I don't think I need to explain further, it is what it is haha.
SIETE -INTERNET
Description: google.
So these are my 7 must haves and life essentials. Simple and basic, nothing more. I hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I did writing. Let me know what your life essentials are and have a nice day ahead!
Ready?
UNO -A GOOD BOOK
If you knew me since primary school, I was one of the many people who hated reading. I would do absolutely anything to avoid picking up a book. Fortunately, my mother made reading fun. Every time I finish a book, she would give me a sticker to paste on the spine of the book. Since then, I read more books. (my love for stickers is real, kan Cheng Li kan??)
After the busy SPM life, I got back into reading and let me tell you, I feel more human. I forgot how thrilled I am whenever I pick up a brand new book. I am currently reading the second installment of the firebird trilogy by Claudia Gray; Ten Thousand Skies Above You AND the classic Anne Frank Diary. Yes, I know I am so behind but books don't have expiry dates, do they? hehe.
My top 3 reads:
1) The Potion Diaries by Amy Alward (3rd book in August !!!)
2) The Last Princess by Galaxy Craze
3) Everything, Everything by Nicola Yoon (motion picture coming soon !!!)
Please give the books a read and you can thank me later.
DOS -JOURNALS
Ever since I was 9 years old, I would always write about my day or thoughts in a book. You know that 'Dear Diary' kinda thing? yeah that.. All thanks to The Barbie Diaries .
At the moment, I am using 3 journals. Just hear me out alright?
a) Normal journaling journal for everyday thoughts
b) Question Of The Day journal ; february Qs
c) Rezeki Of The Day journal
Most of you might think, "man Afiqah how do you keep up with the journals everyday?"
The answer to that is I don't. You do not have to write an entry every single day. Write as you like!
Journaling is just another way to let things out and clear your mind. Write whatever your heart desires. When you're content, write. When you're feeling blue, write. When you're furious, write. When you're perplexed, write. I guarantee you will feel better if not terrific. You should definitely give it a go!
TRES -COLOURED INKS
When jotting down notes or writing an essay, I need that pop of colour to spice things up and lift my mood. Instantly in raptures.
What more can I say? Coloured inks make me jubilant. Particularly, pilot's wingel, my trusty sharpie markers and the Monami LiveColor pens. I am obsessed with them and I don't care what you think. They always come in handy especially when making birthday or farewell cards. Another reason to keep collecting them is PRESENTATIONS, YES.
CUATRO -BODY or HAND CREAMS
Who has dry skin, put yo hands up, p-p-p-put yo hands up. I feel you girl, I feel you. Parched skin is awwwwwful. Thanks to the amazing Bath & Body Works, my skin is grateful for their lush ultra shea body creams. My absolute favourite scents are Sun-ripened Raspberry, Sweet Pea and Pretty as a Peach. Mmmhhhmmmmmmmm! Nothing better than applying lotion after a refreshing shower.
CINCO -LIP BALM
Now this one is a total must have. I get really annoyed when my lips feel dry, even if they don't look as dry. Apply any lip balm containing beeswax or petroleum and you can kiss your chapped lips goodbye. I highly recommend vaseline, it is life changing. Watsons' and Guardian's lip balms does the job too and are A okay.
SEIS -MINYAK CAP KAPAK LOL
Okay this has been THE staple item for countless years. I get major headaches so often, it's ridiculous. However, it does not bother me as much as it used to, alhamdulillah. I don't think I need to explain further, it is what it is haha.
SIETE -INTERNET
Description: google.
So these are my 7 must haves and life essentials. Simple and basic, nothing more. I hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I did writing. Let me know what your life essentials are and have a nice day ahead!
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